Battleship (2012)
It's hard to go into viewing a film with a completely blank slate and no preconceived notions about what the film is about to present to you. From finding out about this project a few years ago over at Aintitcool.com, I was nothing but skeptical. The film isn't based on some established property with a back story or has some type of long history behind it. Plainly put, this is a board game that the studio decided would have good name recognition with people so they would turn out in droves to see it. From it's inception it was nothing more than a cash grab. Unfortunately, for a movie that could have been dumb summer blockbuster fun, this turns out to be anything but that.
As the film opens we're introduced to a science team that is sending out signals into space by way of boosting them through a satellite. Their aim is to make contact with a planet that is similar to the make-up of Earth. They figure that if there is life in the universe, it would probably be there. Then the audience is introduced to Stone (Alexander Skarsgard) and Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch). Stone is the upstanding Commander while his brother is the long-haired slacker. Alex is a lovable drunk ruffian who tries to impress the Admiral's daughter (Brooklyn Decker) by breaking into a convenience store to steal a chicken burrito. He is arrested and next we see he is a Lieutenant in the Navy, who is also dating said Admiral's daughter from the bar. Since Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson) is not fond of Alex, and Alex shows up late, it further solidifies that he is on the ropes. Eventually the two Stone brothers leave to their respective ships and set off to compete in Naval exercises with the Japanese. Eventually the alien ships crash into the ocean and they have to go off and see what is going on. The aliens project a giant bubble and apparently it is impenetrable to the outside world. There are also side stories throughout the film that involve the scientists who contact the alien species and a double leg amputee veteran and Admiral Shane's daughter. In the end though, it all just seems like an excuse to make the film run for over 2 hours.
This film is flat out terrible for a multitude of reasons. The leaps in logic are just astounding. Alex gets arrested and most likely charged with destruction of property and breaking and entering in the beginning of the film, and then all of a sudden he is a Lieutenant in the Navy. I don't know a lot about the promotion process there, but I am pretty sure that a felonious record won't help. Another plot hole occurs later in the film when all of the Battleships under the bubble are destroyed, save for the USS Missouri museum in Pearl Harbor, the crew enlists the help of World War II veterans to help make it functional. Apparently the filmmakers didn't feel the need to actually explain how a crew could take a battleship that hasn't moved in 30 years and throw out a vending machine and BAM! it fires up no problem. Worst of all, they make the WWII veterans look ridiculous. It might not have been Peter Berg's intention to insult the memory of these veteran's, but he isn't doing them any favors.
Of course the logical flaws and plot holes just serve to underline how lazy the entire team behind this film was. By the time the double leg amputee fist fights an alien, I had already resigned myself to the audacity of the film. The acting of every single person in the film is absolutely terrible. Peter Skarsgard's accent is just awkward and the viewer can never tell if he has a speech impediment or if he's trying unsuccessfully to cover up his Swedish accent. He is completely underwhelming. Taylor Kitsch's career will most likely be over soon, having been in two films that bombed with budgets over $200 million. His box office draw isn't there and his acting is terrible, so he doesn't really have a leg to stand on at this point. Every other supporting character and ancillary character is bad, and very flat for that matter. Rhianna shows again why most musically talented people cannot in fact act. Liam Neeson gets about 10-15 minutes total screen time, and he even seems like he's phoning in the performance. One of the supporting characters who is supposed to be there for comic relief constantly has his jokes fall flat, which is one entertaining thing to watch I guess.
The thing about Battleship that really makes it worse than just a dumbed down film is that it actively insults the Navy. It makes them look completely incompetent throughout. At one point, when the commander of one ship dies, one of the seaman stares at the new commanding officer as there are emergencies happening all around him and says "Sir I don't know what to do until you give me an order". It is a truly pitiful point in the film. And if Peter Berg didn't realize he was basically mocking veterans by putting them in ludicrous situations, well, he needs to reevaluate how he approaches characters in his films. Battleship is a mess from start to finish, and it took all I had to not walk out of the theater midway though. It is not a smart film, and some good effects in the middle portion don't help improve the overall product. I for one am glad this film is bombing at the box office because at least now the studios are starting to realize that people won't just flock to a movie because it's in a theater.
